Status: in planning
This group does not exist yet. There is no meeting schedule, no sign-up form, and no start date. This page explains what I have in mind so that people can tell me whether it is something they would attend. When there is a first meeting, this page will say so.
Why a meeting group
I went through a jaw surgery that left lasting damage, and over the years of running this site I have heard from many people in the same position. Most of us carry it alone. Family and friends do not understand it, doctors often minimise it, and online forums are mostly full of people who are still deciding whether to have the operation.
What I want is simple: a regular online meeting where people who have been through it can say out loud how they are doing, and be heard by others who know exactly what they mean. The group is for people who have already had jaw surgery, not for people deciding whether to have it.
The model: speak, listen, go home
The format I have in mind is borrowed from addiction recovery groups, because that format has worked for decades with no professionals in the room.
Short turns
Each person gets about two minutes to say whatever they want to say about where they are with it. You can pass.
No crosstalk
Nobody responds to, advises, questions, or comments on what someone else shared. You speak, the group listens, the next person speaks. This is so people can say hard things without being corrected, debated, or told what to do. Nobody has to defend what they said, and nobody has to fix anyone else.
Anonymous
First names or a screen name only. Cameras are optional. No one has to say where they live, who their surgeon was, or anything else they would rather keep.
Then it ends
When everyone has had a turn, the meeting closes. No homework, no follow-up, no group chat between meetings.
That is the whole thing. It is a place to talk and be heard. It is not therapy, it is not medical advice, and it is not a campaign.
What this group is not
I want to be plain about the limits before anyone joins, because a group like this only works if people know what they are getting.
- We are not professionals. Nobody in the meeting is a counsellor, doctor, or crisis worker, including whoever is chairing.
- We cannot monitor anyone’s safety. Because the group is anonymous, nobody can send help to someone in danger. Each person is responsible for their own wellbeing.
- We do not offer support between meetings. There is no direct-message support, no hotline, and no one on call.
This statement will appear on the sign-up page and will be read aloud at the start of every meeting:
If someone shares a crisis
It will happen eventually, and there will be a short, fixed response so that nobody has to improvise. Whoever is chairing will pause and say:
The meeting then continues, or ends early if it feels too heavy. The same crisis list is below so it is always one click away.
Crisis lines
Canada and United States: call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline).
United Kingdom and Ireland: Samaritans, call 116 123.
Australia: Lifeline, call 13 11 14.
Everywhere else: findahelpline.com lists free, confidential lines by country.
If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.
Who would chair
I have no experience facilitating meetings, and I am not pretending otherwise. The format is designed so that the chair has very little to do: open the call, read the statement, keep time, call the next person, and close. The written script will be the same for every chair, so that if the group lasts, other members can take turns running it without taking on anything more than I have.
Open questions
Things I have not settled, and would like opinions on:
- Which platform to meet on.
- How often to meet, and what time works across time zones.
Interested?
If this sounds like something you would attend, or you have run a group like this and have advice, please get in touch through the contact page. I will use the replies to decide whether and how to go ahead, and I will update this page when there is something firm to announce.